Using the student work we have read this term
as models, and the PowerPoint from last class, create a working draft of
your results/discussion section. This draft will probably not fit into one
posting area, so create and post a link to a cloud stored version of your paper. Your original
posting is due before class on April 20th.
The second part of this posting calls you to do a thorough review of a
partner's results/discussion sections. The peer review is due before midnight on April 24th. You must review the work of a student who has not had his/her work
reviewed as yet. Also, you must review the work of a student who you did NOT cover in our in-class peer review.
It will help to leave a brief message below someone's
original posting indicating that you plan to review their work (so while
you are doing the review someone else doesn't snap up your review and
leave you in trouble). I recommend leaving an original message below
someone's posting that reads something along the lines of: "I will cover
your peer review." Once someone leaves this posting, it will help
ensure that everyone gets a review.
Peer Review Instructions:
Number each paragraph and on a separate word document
write a one sentence synopsis of each paragraph’s topic and purpose. Leave
ample space between so you can write and elaborate further on each paragraph. If
a paragraph seems to be going in multiple directions, note the different
directions the paragraph takes and explore connections between divergent ideas.
Note key support for each paragraph Evaluate how well the support/details are implemented.
How well does the paragraph establish context and evidence? Is there a need for
more details to expand a point or a need for more evidence or perhaps analysis
of evidence to help deliver a point?
Create a
ranking system to identify which
paragraphs are most effective and which ones are less effective.
Following your discoveries and inferences from your above sections, underscore
aspects from each paragraph that need improvement and establish criteria for
what works well in paragraphs that are strong and well developed. Look at
transitions between different paragraphs and explore ways to improve transitions
from one paragraph to the next.
Next, read
the paper once more through; identify and look
for a main point of theme that guides the results/discussion. From your previous analysis, and multiple
reads, determine what central claim is being presented. How clearly
stated is the central finding? How can it be better stated? If there are a
series of important claims, how could those claims be organized under one
larger umbrella claim?
Come up with at least two questions to help the writer think critically
about the direction of the results/discussion sections. What do you as a reader
want to know more about? Where is the
piece most effective and why? Which details and part of the essay stand out as
most memorable and effective and why? Where does this piece need to be improved?
Be specific in your commentary of your peer’s work.
Post your feedback as a response to the writer's initial posting.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletePart 1 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1XjWF6vQ1mWyNEuD7vr6A71M3ly9xAK3Z3Z16xw3dbxs/edit
ReplyDeletePeer Review Feedback
ReplyDeleteKarla Zepeda, overall I understand your results. But the chart that you provided is very confusing and I don't know how to read it. The content is good but its could use a little more detail regarding the questions you asked in your survey. And your survey group seem pretty small compared to others. Questions:What all did you learn? What was most surprising?
Emmanuela Cirus, overall this was a pretty good results/discussion section. The chart was really easy to follow, and the discussion was a really entertaining section to read . There is a random sentence on the slave last page is a little confusing but I think it's just a typo.Question: What was a major conflict during the research?
Odette Alvarez, as a whole your paper is very well put together and well thought out. Your results and discussions was pretty easy to understand. The amount of people you got was tremendous and I can see little to no major mistakes.Questions: How did you format you paper? Can you help me?
Noah Poirson, as a whole is a little vague. You need more percentages, more numbers, or at least a chart to illustrate would you concluded from your survey. Also it wouldn't be s bad idea to add in a few sample questions. Also the headings are a little confusing so for better understanding or to clarify just head them results or discussion or results/ discussion. The conclusion can be separate like in the Student papers. Don't for get the results is everything you found out so don't be afraid to give details.Questions: why no statistics? why not graphs or charts?
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1nD-49JxeEZ2zgwVT_PhgDh0Y8fu0CnH0m6neTYzLG8o/edit
ReplyDeleteEllis- Incredible voice used in the research paper. If you can add any authors in your discussion sections to find any relationships with your evidence. Also if you can add any limitations you might have had in your methodology. Since you said the center/power forward position has changed then what other type of position has changed as well? Also what position has suffered the most throughout the years?
ReplyDeleteIsrael- Great explanation of your results. If you can add any authors in your discussion sections to find any relationships with your evidence. Also move your limitation conclusion to the end of your discussion section. Do you think specific type of video games genre could lead to more health issues (if video games lead to health issues)?. Or if health issues lead to gaming which type of video game genres would be most favored?
Tommy- Nice methodology used in your paper. Try showing more of your results in order to understand what happened. Also if you can add any authors in your discussion sections to find any relationships with your evidence. Do you ever plan on buying an electric car? Which do you prefer more non-electric cars or electric cars? And why?
Bronson- You did a good job explaining your results. If you can add any authors in your discussion sections to find any relationships with your evidence. Also discuss more and attempt to use anymore authors if you can. I know in your paper you ask if paying college students is correct or not but what’s your opinion on this matter ? Also if you do think they should get paid, how much money should it be?
Odette- Your research and discussion left me with little to no questions. Everything was elaborated on and explained. Both of your paragraphs were effective and significant. Your Figure 1 data was easy to follow and understand. The main idea of your results section was clear and the same goes for the analysis part. However, the results and discussions could use some transitions.
ReplyDeleteIsrael- Your results and discussions part was great. The transitions were on point-- which made the flow of the paper smooth and easy to follow. Both of your sections were effective and necessary. You did a great job with explaining and showing. Also, your main points were clear.
Desire- Each section was introduced with a main idea that was clear ad stated. Some of the points (mainly the results) needed a little but more elaboration--as into why do you think participants answered the way they did--paragraph 1 was effective. However, at the end of paragraph one you go into the stats of the results. This could have been a separate paragraph which could have been put along with paragraph 2 to make it more effective. Paragraph 3 was effective and insightful. Some questions that I have are: 1)Why is it that the scenario w/ a negative characteristic of black women deems to be more impactful or influential? 2)Do you think black women aid the public in the depiction of themselves?
Kurt- The most effective paragraph was 2. It was more elaborate. Par. 1 has a great topic sentence. But it left me with 2 questions. 1) What was questions one? and 2) What are the number scales indicating? In Par. 2 you introduced questions 3 by stating the question, but you didn't do it in one-- which could make the reader confused and lost. So, frame answers and questions in a way that are more understandable. Elaborate on your findings. Include transitions. Other than that I feel as if you conducted great research, now it has to do with sharing the experience effectively with the readers.
Jason Litwak: This is well written for a methods section, but this isn’t results & discussion. This focused on how the survey was set up and what type of questions were in the survey. The results & discussion should be an analysis of your research along with a comparison of previous findings from other scholars. There doesn’t seem to be any problems with this as a methods section, but it isn’t the results/discussion section.
ReplyDeleteJustin Froehlich: Each paragraph goes over each question and the results from asking. While this results/discussion paper properly analyzes the research and its importance on the people surveyed, it has no apparent support from outside sources. The paper itself does a good job analyzing the primary research conducted, but doesn’t compare the research to other scholars’ findings. A question I would ask would be: How does this research compare with the other findings? I’d also ask: How does the mental health of people who didn’t play sports compare to those in sports?
Israel Camacho: This results & discussion section is very well done. I do appreciate the graphs done because they really aid in showing the analysis of the research. While the results section is well written and has strong, hard evidence, the discussion portion could use more outside comparison. The discussion section is well done as well, but it only needs further comparison with outside sources. If outside source analysis is added with the primary research of this paper, then this section will be solid. Looking at the rest of the paper, it’s well written, structured properly, and has a good flow. The research analyzed in the paper-portion just needs to intermingle with the discussion portion more.
Matthew Thompson: The results section is solid in this paper. Your analysis of the data collected is on point and is a strong review of the findings. To improve the results section, the only comment would be to make a graph or a chart to lay out the information a bit better. The multiple percentages and numbers mashed into one paragraph can make it a bit difficult to read and comprehend, so a chart would make it a bit easier to read. The discussion section is also well written, but lacks in support from sources. It has support by analyzing the Huff Post poll, but more outside research wouldn’t hurt. It would only aid in supporting the paper overall.
Brian Musa: While the results section is well written, and the breakup of analysis is helpful as well, there isn’t a clear discussion portion. There doesn’t seem to be a differentiating portion where you would compare your research to what others have found. While the display of your research is done well by breaking up the analysis, it could use a clearer discussion portion in the writing because if it is there, I can’t seem to differentiate it from the rest of the writing.
ReplyDeleteJulian Arrieta: As a whole your results and discussion is very good and relays the information you found. However there is a lot of telling not showing, primarily in the beginning you say you discovered the relationships but you could just show it by saying what relationships you found. Also at the beginning of the results you say the purpose of the survey and the experiment, however i think it would be more effective to place those in the methods section. Could you place figure 1 in the beginning where you talk about it rather than at the end? Could you put your survey in the appendix?
Jason Litwak: Your experiment is very interesting and well thought out, but this is more of a methods section instead of the results/discussion. The results should show what came out of the interviews you conducted and your analysis on the matter. Could you make charts denoting questions you asked and the responses? For example maybe make a pie chart of the communication methods to show which was most popular.
William Atchisson: This is a good analysis of your study and how other research ties in. However, it didn't seem like you really showed the results. Could you put in more quotes from your participants? It didn’t feel like you added enough quotes to fully present what the international students thought.
Brian Musa: It is very well done as a results section, however you need to work on the discussion part. While you do show your results, you need to tie it into the conversation somehow. You can do this by saying what other researchers found on fans contributing to the NFL and compare it to what you found. Could you add charts or graphs that show your results in a more visual manner? Also instead of stating what the questions were about in each paragraph could you just say the question?
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteJustin Froehlich- When you talk about results, it is a little unclear on how you get to your conclusion. I’d add some references to the actual questions that the participants took to help the reader on your thought process analyzing the results. I also notice you write conclusions in the results sections versus the discussion. To help the flow of the paper, I’d write jus the findings in your results sections and then the meaning behind the findings and the conclusions you drew in your discussion section. I like how you chunked your results into bite size pieces for the reader according to the parts of the survey- however I’d specify exactly what each part signifies. Your discussion did a great job contrasting your original beliefs anf then your changed views after your research was finished.
ReplyDeleteKarla Zepeda- Your writing was very easy to follow and clear to the point. However, I was a little lost in how your survey worked and it was hard to follow your tactic behind collecting data and analyzing results. I had some trouble deciphering the table you included as well. Your discussion section did a good job summarizing your points and the similarities behind the responses.
Kurt Adler- Your results are structured great! Your writing is easy to follow and the framework behind the paper has a very good flow. One thing I’d say is to add statistics to your findings and how it helped you generate the meaning behind them. I was a little confused with the scale that you gave your participates but I assume it’s because I haven’t read your methodology section! I’d also work on your wording a bit to elaborate your point. For example, the first sentence in your second paragraph could include the actual question you asked as opposed to just “(Question #3).”
Desire Davis- I do not have much to say! Your writing is very clear and reads effortlessly! One thing is your repetition of the word “media” in your opening results paragraph. Your paragraph breaks are placed perfectly and your paper is visually very inviting. Maybe trim some of the deadwood and review your wording so sentences don’t seem to repeat. Overall, great results/discussion section!
Matthew Thompson: Your results and discussion sections are very well written and the data collected is very straight to the point and makes some very strong arguments. One thing you should do to improve your results section is to create some type of chart or appendix with your data collected included within it. There is a lot of data being presented in your results section and adding something of this nature will help the reader understand and comprehend it a little better. Overall, you did some great work on these sections.
ReplyDeleteTommy Bartz: Great methodology section. You were very descriptive and it is easy to follow. A couple things to work on, however, is to incorporate some of your research into it, as well as presenting some more of your survey's results. There also was not a discussion section, so that must be written, as well. Overall, however, you have a strong base to work with.
Julian Arrieta: Very good job in conducting your research and presenting it in a very professional manner. Within your results and discussions were some very great information on your topic, and your experiment seemed very interesting. One thing to watch out for when editing your essay is redundancy, as well as dead wood. There were a few instances of these things, but you did a great job, overall.
Jason Litwak: This is a very well-written piece of writing, but isn't really something that resembles a results and discussions section. You basically wrote your methods section. When writing your results and discussion, remember to write about the analysis and synthesis of your experiments. Great job, though.
Emmanuela Cirius:
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the layout of your results sections and found it very easy to read an I urge you to place the chart just like it is into your final paper. The discussion section however I feel like was a built difficult to read being one long paragraph. If you could organize it better and have maybe two paragraphs talking about your results and of your interviews. How would you go about tying in this information with the rest of your paper? How do your results help your research?
Tommy Bartz:
I felt like your paper was a good introduction to your results and discussion section as it just gave background information. If you show more of the results and expand a lot more on the discussion then you would have a solid results/discussion section. Maybe also show fig 1 in your paper to help the reader. How would you write more about your results? What would be best to show your results, descriptions or actual charts?
Matthew Thompson:
I can tell you put hard work into your research and you’re very thorough on it, however I feel as if some people might have difficulty reading it. You can explain the numbers better or maybe illustrate them to make it easier on the reader. Your discussion section was solid but maybe consider adding the support for section into the discussion. How do you plan on simplifying the results? How does this impact the research?
William Atchisson:
After reading your paper it seems to me that it’s more of a discussion than showing off your results. It’s well done but if you gave more numbers or information about your results than it would be completed. Maybe adding a chart or table into the paper would significantly improve it and show the reader more. How would you go about showing your results? What does this contribute to your past research?
Matt Thompson:
ReplyDeleteYour results/discussion is very good although might confuse the reader since there happens to be a lot of numbers riddled throughout the paragraphs. Using a graph, or appendix, to show all these numbers in a more organized fashion will help in the long run (don't forget to explain the graph). Your most effective paragraph was paragraph 7 and your least effective paragraph was paragraph 1. How do you plan on formatting the results? What does your results/discussion section mean towards the overall research project?
Bronson Heath:
Your methodology and results/discussion are clear and really good. This is a large issue in the college sports world and there are probably multiple sources that share the same theme as your research project. Look to incorporate some ideas from different sources to make your research even more credible. It is hard to put qualitative data into graphs, but using a pie chart to show the percentages of each demograph's answer to the main question would be a start. Your most effective paragraph is paragraph 1, and your least effective is paragraph 5. What is your take on the matter? Should student athletes have a fixed income or have incentives just like pro sports?
Israel Camacho:
Overall you did a great job on your methodology and results/discussion section. It was very good to see graphs in the results to aid in reading. This helped instantly understand what was being talked about. Your discussion section was good too but can use more comparison with other sources. Your third paragraph was the most effective (with all the charts) and your first paragraph was the least effective. Do you think gaming causes health issues or aids in amplifying them? What is the next step after bringing the case study to a larger audience?
William Atchisson:
This seems to be more of a methodology/discussion rather than a results/discussion page. Whether you make your results into quantitative data or not, the data gained from the survey and open-ended questions should be put in an organizational matter at the least. Depending on the format you put your results in for 'Appendix B', maybe using a chart or table is not such a bad idea. Your most effective paragraph was paragraph 1, and your least effective was paragraph two. What format are you going to use for your results? How do the information gained throughout the project affect you?
Emmanuela Cirius- Your writing is great! A very clear and to the point section! I just have some minor things to consider! 1)You mention in the opening sentence of your discussion section what method of research you performed, I think you should place this in the opening sentence of the results section instead. 2)Your table is really well structured except the columns for Men and Women sometimes turn into rows and this could confuse the reader. Your discussion section does a very good job summarizing the results and your opinions going into the research as well as the meaning behind each question you asked in the interview. My question to ask you is how does your research differ from the findings of researchers before you?
ReplyDeleteOverall, very excited to read your final paper and see your presentation! Great job!
Jason Litwak: This was a well-done methods section. Based on your drafted methodology section, I could precisely identify the procedure and incentive for your research. Paragraph 1 introduced the method used (interview) as a means of furthering the research discussion and paragraph 2 continues to explicate the types of interview questions asked and the importance of these questions have on your topic. It’s unfortunate you couldn’t have your results altogether, but be sure when you do to present the results clearly and analyze intensely. Think how can you expand on this methodology piece and how to make some sections of the essay stand out and justify your claims.
ReplyDeleteKarla Zepeda: This result/discussion section was straight to the point and clear. The presented chart was confusing, perhaps add a footnote to allow your readers to comprehend your results better. This section just needs in depth analysis, especially in the discussion section, and conclude with a series of sentences that will tie your whole research together nicely. Question: How can I take the information surveyed and developed conclusions? Of the data I collected, which piece was most surprising?
William Atchisson: This was a great results/discussion section with concise detail and explanations of your primary research. The first paragraph described the methodology and the second paragraph expanded on this with the works of other scholars. Your main points were clear thus far, however there were some awkward phrasing here and there. Some questions to consider: How can I transition between ideas skillfully? How can I demonstrate my results to the reader?
Bronson Heath: This section showed results being explained fully and effectively. The piece is only really missing the stances/opinions of any scholars regarding your primary research. The discussion section should be expanded with more of your voice, rather than a quick summary of the results. Overall, this section flowed well and the main points were easy to pinpoint. Questions: How can I can express my voice more? How can I emphasize the importance of your topic?
Israel Camacho – The methods section is very clear and you give a good picture of your gap within the conversation. The results and analysis are good but you could possibly add more about the limitations of your research and the survey you conducted. The main theme that gaming can have benefits to gamers health is clearly stated. How would you expand your research? Are there any other things that might affect how people report their or others heath through a survey?
ReplyDeleteJulian Arrieta – Your clearly address the reasons people fall for frauds and those who are targeted. The main theme of you essay describes the differences between those who fall for scams and those who don’t. The research you conducted with participants by showing them a scam and asking background info has some limitations. One question is how would you further your research to eliminate these. It would be better to show specifically how you conducted the research. What are the implications of the relationships that you found.
Ellis Adedoyin – The first half of your essay explains how the game of basketball has evolved and how the rules have adapted to how it is played. The results are clear and you explain where they came from. One thing is that looking at previous data and finding trends has the possibility for trends to appear that may not be true. You address this and explain how it is not perfect but can explain these changes. What do you think that the future will look like? What changes do you think should be necessary to fit how the game is now being played?
Tommy Bartz – You describe how you conducted your survey to gauge the consumer attitudes towards electric vehicles. Although you only surveyed 10 students which may result in unreliable data. You addresses the implications of this but could add more of your actual results. With the addition of the implications of your results your essay will be strong and have a clear theme. What do your results mean about consumer attitudes? What do these results mean for the marketing of electric vehicle technology?